Fall, holidays, and coping

So I'm told the first year is the hardest. I hope so. Ive been feeling ok, now with Halloween, and the cold weather I'm starting to have more moments of, well greif. It's not irrational greif just that empty, almost guilty feeling in your stomach. I have times when I'm moving on, lol right, that's what I tell myself at the time and I feel great til the moments of reality hit me. I keep waiting for the energy to do something productive and positive yet I fall into distraction that feels destructive in the end. I cant help but wonder if anyone will ever really care the way he did, yes we had a toxic relationship but he was always there when the disaster really hit. I just feel abandoned, which causes me to abandon my true self, I'm like a roller coster of crazy emotions!

More suicide survivor poems

A Poem for Tina:
Don’t go, please don’t leave me here alone

Tina Marie Phillips and Amy Yampanis were best friends; as close as two people can be.

And when Tina passed away from suicide, Amy expressed her overwhelming pain in a poem that she entitled: “Don’t go, please don’t leave me here alone.”

Please read Amy’s poignant poem and say a prayer for Tina and her family.

I love you Amy, and I am very sorry for your loss.

Your beautiful soul inspires us all.

Kevin Caruso



Don’t go, please don’t leave me here alone
by Amy Yampanis

Lika a ghost haunting my heart
You stand there just beyond my reach
Hearth-wrenchingly close
And yet impossibly far away

And I hear my heart crying out:
"Don’t go, please don’t leave me here alone."

Images of you as you were –
When you loved me most
Longing to be held by you
But embraced by emptiness instead

"Don’t go, please don’t leave me here alone."

Truth holds no freedom for me
Only thousands of unanswered questions
Aching to be answered
And dangerous if asked

"Don’t go, please don’t leave me here alone."

Why won’t you stay here with me?
Maybe just for a while
You could stay by my side
In this world of nightmares and dreams

"Don’t go, please don’t leave me here alone."

Please don’t wake me from the dreams
Of you standing there
If I have to wake to find you have gone
And yet again feel my heart laid bare

"Don’t go, please don’t leave me here alone."

When you go I am left feeling utterly abandoned
Standing in the wake of your pain
Trying desperately to remember how to breathe again
As the tears stream down my face
And my heart cries out:

"Don’t go, please don’t leave me here alone."
If you or someone you know is suicidal, please go to the Home Page of this website for immediate help.

Thank you.

I love you.

Take care,

Kevin Caruso

A poem I found

A Beautiful Poem by Suicide Survivor Patti Tillotson:
Suicide in My Heart

Patti Tillotson is a wonderful person who lost her daughter, Stephanie, to suicide five years ago.

Patti has written a beautiful poem entitled “Suicide in My Heart” that she would like to share with the Suicide.org community. Patti opens her heart and shows her intense pain in the poem, but concludes with a feeling of hope.

Patti,

You are an amazing person and a GREAT mom.

Stephanie is one of the greatest angels in Heaven and is watching over you with great pride and love.

And you, my friend, are one of the greatest angels here on Earth.

God bless you.

I love you,

Kevin Caruso



Suicide in My Heart

by Patti Tillotson

Fire light ….. Explodes with might.
I can't see you ….. In the night.

Ice caves ….. Covered in haze.
Cold and dark ….. It's you I crave.

Love at first sight ….. I held you tight.
Can't keep you safe ….. Why didn't you fight?

Guilt feels barren ….. Forgiveness torn.
Can't delete that moment ….. Life cried forlorn.

Pain pervades ….. With sharpened blades.
I can't touch you … Where you're laid.

Life bleeds on ….. With each blue dawn.
My ache is great ….. I'm just God's pawn.

Hard to cope ….. With life's last rope.
Until I see you ….. Give me hope.

If you are suicidal, immediate action is required; so please read the information on the home page of this website and take action.

Thank you,

Kevin Caruso